If Men Ruled The World
1. Nodding and looking at your watch
deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
would make "Sorry, what was
your name again?" cards.
your girlfriend really needed to talk to
you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of
screen during a half time.
up would be a lot easier. A smack to
the bum would pretty much do it.
control would come in ale or lager.
funniest guy in the office would get to
I'm late, but I got hammered last
night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
be considered harmless fun to gather 30
friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
could remove citizens from beaches
for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
10. Tanks would
be far easier to rent.
11. Instead of
a beer belly, you'd get "beer
12. Instead of
an expensive engagement ring, you
could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're
Day would be moved to February 29th
so it would only occur in leap years.
14. Cops would
be broadcast live, and you could
phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
15. Two words:
16. The victors
in any athletic competition would get
to kill and eat the losers.
17. The only
show opposite Monday Night Football
would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
18. It would be
perfectly legal to steal a sports
car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of
19. Every man
would get four real Get Out of Jail
Free cards per year.
20. When a cop
gave you a ticket, every smart-alec
answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how
fast you were going?"
You: "All I know
was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one.
21. Daisy Duke
shorts would never again go out of
would automatically cut off after 30
seconds of conversation.
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