My Redneck Valentine

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions when you shave under yore arms, Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day From the cooler at Kroger. That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these just won't do. Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, More useful than diamonds... it's a new troll'n motor!!


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This page last updated on September 1, 2004.