Cards Hallmark Doesn’t Cover

I must admit,
You brought religion into my life . . .
(inside card) I never believed in Hell
Until I met you.
 
As the days go by,
I think how lucky I am . . .
(inside card) That you're not here
To ruin it for me.
 
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go . . .
(inside card) Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.
 
Someday I hope to marry . . .
(inside card) Someone other than you.
 
Happy birthday!
You look great for your age . . .
(inside card) Almost life-like!
 
When we were together,
You said you'd die for me . . .
(inside card) Now we've broken up,
I think it's time to keep your promise.
 
We've been friends for a very long time . . .
(inside card) What do you say we stop?
 
I'm so miserable without you . . .
(inside card) It's almost like you're still here.
 
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy . . .
(inside card) Did you ever find out who the father was?
 
You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket . . .
(inside card) I'd miss you terribly
And think of you often.
 
Your friends and I wanted
to do something really special
for your birthday . . .
(inside card) So we're having you put to sleep.
 
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).
 
Looking back o'er the years
We've been together,
I can't help but wonder . . .
(inside card) What was I thinking?
 
Congratulations on your wedding day!
(inside card) Too bad no one likes your husband.
 
How could two people as beautiful as you . . .
(inside card) Have such an ugly baby?

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This page last updated on September 1, 2004.