Cards Hallmark Doesn’t Cover

I must admit,
You brought religion into my life . . .
(inside card) I never believed in Hell
Until I met you.
As the days go by,
I think how lucky I am . . .
(inside card) That you're not here
To ruin it for me.
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go . . .
(inside card) Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to marry . . .
(inside card) Someone other than you.
Happy birthday!
You look great for your age . . .
(inside card) Almost life-like!
When we were together,
You said you'd die for me . . .
(inside card) Now we've broken up,
I think it's time to keep your promise.
We've been friends for a very long time . . .
(inside card) What do you say we stop?
I'm so miserable without you . . .
(inside card) It's almost like you're still here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy . . .
(inside card) Did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket . . .
(inside card) I'd miss you terribly
And think of you often.
Your friends and I wanted
to do something really special
for your birthday . . .
(inside card) So we're having you put to sleep.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).
Looking back o'er the years
We've been together,
I can't help but wonder . . .
(inside card) What was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!
(inside card) Too bad no one likes your husband.
How could two people as beautiful as you . . .
(inside card) Have such an ugly baby?

back to Bill Nourse's Joke Index

Previous Joke Next Joke

back to Bill Nourse's Home Page

This page last updated on September 1, 2004.